If there was an award for mentally beating yourself up for not being “good enough” at the weight loss game, I’d probably win it.
This past month I gained back 7.6 pounds of the 57 I had lost over the past year, but for the first time in my life got smart enough to put the brakes on the weight gain, face the scale, and get back on the Weight Watchers program with a renewed commitment to it – before I slid all the way back to my original “fattest” weight.
Last week was when I “faced the music” and that stupid scale at Weight Watchers and had to look at the 7.6 pound weight gain in black and white. This week when I weighed in I lost 3.6 pounds of that weight I had gained.
I should be thrilled about that, right?
Nope, not so much. Instead I’ve been mentally berating myself for having gained it back in the first place and have had the mindset of “I’ve still got 4 more pounds to lose to get back to square 1.”
As much as that’s true, it’s not helping me feel happy that I’m back on track and losing. Instead I’m in a kind of dark place of “I’m still so pissed at myself ” and “why can’t I stop sabotaging myself” and “will I ever learn” etc. It’s like the negative thoughts in my head are turned on like a fully open faucet and the handle is so slippery that I can’t shut it off.
Like most people I don’t respond well to negative reinforcement but that’s the only type of reinforcement I’ve been giving myself. And, I know I’m not the only person that does this to themselves (we’re always our own worst critic, right?)
My husband, my daughter, and a close friend are working hard to get me to change my mindset. They’re telling me to stop looking back and to only look forward because I can’t change what happened (still haven’t invented a time machine). I know they’re right. What they’re saying makes sense to me on an intellectual level. But emotionally I’m in a completely different place.
So here is where I’m writing a commitment to start being kinder to myself and to look at my current weight as being my new starting point. No more looking back and mentally beating myself up. I’m looking forward and only forward (and will probably need to repeat about a trillion times to get it to sink into my thick skull).
My first step – to focus on a short term goal . This week it’s to lose 2 pounds.
Okay, I’m done now. I figure I better stop before my affirmations to myself start to make to make you feel the teeniest bit sick to your stomach.
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