I didn’t weigh in at Weight Watchers this week even though I talked smart about how I was going to “face the ugly truth and get on the scale,” accepting that nobody forced me to overeat. But, when it came right down to it, I couldn’t go into the meeting and face my leader, even though she is completely non-judgmental.
Why? Because my warped mind was sure that even though she would be completely supportive out loud, that in her mind she would be thinking “how could you be such a pig that you gained 12 pounds in 3 weeks?” Yes, 12 pounds. It’s horrible. A pound is 3,500 calories which means I ate 42,000 extra calories during those 3 weeks or an average of an extra 2,000 calories a day. Is it any wonder that I’m fat? Talk about complete lack of self-control
How do I know I gained 12 pounds? Even though I couldn’t face the scale at Weight Watchers I got on my scale at home Monday morning when my “skinny” pants felt tight. That’s when I snapped out of the food induced fog I was under and remembered that I can’t eat anything I want without consequences (it was also when I resolved that I would go to Weight Watchers Tuesday morning, which I then changed to Wednesday evening, which I then changed to Thursday morning, and which then became “not this week”).
I got on the scale again this morning even though I almost never weigh myself at home and was happy to see I’ve lost 6 of those pounds, which is a lot to have lost over the last 4 days but I was really bloated on Monday morning so I knew I had several pounds of water weight hanging around on me. That’s the good news. The bad news is that I still have 8 more pounds to lose to get back to where I was a month ago.
It’s pretty depressing but at least I’ve put a stop to the backsliding before I gained back all the weight I lost (plus an extra 5 or 10 pounds just for it to be more upsetting).
Why am I telling you this? It’s certainly not because I’m proud of what I’ve done. Part of it is selfish. I hope that by writing about my struggles and putting them “out there” for everyone to see, that it will help motivate me to finally get all the extra weight off. The other part is that I’m hoping I can help at least one other person see that even if there are bad days (or bad weeks) of overeating, it doesn’t mean a person should give up.
Yes, I lost the “battle of the bulge” (not funny, but true) over the last several weeks. But I’m determined to not lose the war I’ve declared on my fat.
I know I have to get my butt back at Weight Watchers next week even though there’s no way I’ll have all that extra weight off. I’m hoping I can keep my resolve and get there.
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